The Married Single Mother Audit — Sunny James

The Married Single Mother Audit

Find out what % of the family load you're actually carrying

Before you start This audit is designed to fill in together with your partner, but if that is going to cause drama, then just fill in their side for them. You know what they do anyway, right!

This audit is about finding out what % of the household and childcare load you are carrying alone. If anything doesn't apply to your family, leave it unchecked. At the end, the percentage does the talking.

Stay at home mum

or work less than 10 hours/week

Working mum

more than 10 hours/week outside home

A note on fairness For transparency, the following tasks have been treated as part of your stay-at-home work day and left off this audit: before-school duties, school pick-ups and drop-offs, the main grocery shop, and attending school events during the day — just as your partner's workday has been left off.

Note: this doesn't apply to mums with a new baby. If you've kept your baby fed and napped, and yourself and any other children fed and rested — you've had a successful day, full stop.

Things like tidying, cleaning, and meal prep may also count as part of your work day, but only once you've had a shower and gotten dressed, eaten breakfast and lunch, and had at least 20 minutes sitting down.

Weekday evenings

A typical weekday evening in our house looks like:

I cook dinner

I serve dinner and sort the kids' plates

I clean up after dinner

I wipe down the kitchen and surfaces

I do the kids' bath or shower

I do the bedtime routine

I deal with a child who won't sleep

I tidy the living areas after the kids go to bed

I put on or fold an evening load of washing

I help with homework

My partner

I cook dinner

I serve dinner and sort the kids' plates

I clean up after dinner

I wipe down the kitchen and surfaces

I do the kids' bath or shower

I do the bedtime routine

I deal with a child who won't sleep

I tidy the living areas after the kids go to bed

I put on or fold an evening load of washing

I help with homework

Keeping the household running

In the evenings and weekends, over the last 2 weeks:

Tidied the house

Vacuumed and mopped

Cleaned the bathrooms

Changed the bedsheets

Tidied and decluttered shared spaces

Did the garden or outdoor maintenance

My partner

I tidied the house

I vacuumed and mopped

I cleaned the bathrooms

I changed the bedsheets

I tidied and decluttered shared spaces

Did the garden or outdoor maintenance

Food, shopping & preparation

I cook more than 50% of dinners

I always know what food is in the fridge, freezer or pantry

It's up to me to notice when household supplies are running low

It's usually me who buys household essentials before we run out

My partner

I cook more than 50% of dinners

I always know what food is in the fridge, freezer or pantry

It's up to me to notice when household supplies are running low

It's usually me who buys household essentials before we run out

The default parent

It's usually me/them who

Organises and preps the kids' uniforms and bags for the week

Takes the kids to weekend activities or sports

Organises weekend playdates

Makes decisions and organises family outings for the weekend

Manages the kids for the majority of the weekend

Knows what my child needs before my partner realises

Knows where everyone's belongings are

Knows what size clothes and shoes the kids wear

Knows when the kids need new clothes, shoes or school supplies

Knows who my children's friends, teachers and caregivers are

My partner

Organises and preps the kids' uniforms and bags for the week

Takes the kids to weekend activities or sports

Organises weekend playdates

Makes decisions and organises family outings for the weekend

Manages the kids for the majority of the weekend

Knows what the child needs before I realise

Knows where everyone's belongings are

Knows what size clothes and shoes the kids wear

Knows when the kids need new clothes, shoes or school supplies

Knows who the children's friends, teachers and caregivers are

Laundry: who are you actually washing for?

Over the last 2 weeks I:

Did my own washing

Did the kids' washing

Did my partner's washing

Folded and put my own clothes away

Folded and put the kids' clothes away

Folded and put my partner's clothes away

My partner

Did their own washing

Did the kids' washing

Did my washing

Folded and put their own clothes away

Folded and put the kids' clothes away

Folded and put my clothes away

The mental load

I remember everyone's schedule for the week

I plan ahead so no one else has to think about what needs doing

I write important dates and events on the family calendar

I think about what everyone needs tomorrow while lying in bed

I anticipate problems before they happen

I remember things so other people don't have to

I feel like the project manager of the household

If I don't remember something, it won't happen

I notice what needs doing without being told

My partner

I remember everyone's schedule for the week

I plan ahead so no one else has to think about what needs doing

I write important dates and events on the family calendar

I think about what everyone needs tomorrow while lying in bed

I anticipate problems before they happen

I remember things so other people don't have to

I feel like the project manager of the household

If I don't remember something, it won't happen

I notice what needs doing without being told

The emotional load

Over the last month:

Managed a child's anxiety or emotional needs

Helped a child process difficult feelings

Kept the peace to avoid conflict

Absorbed my partner's bad mood so the kids didn't feel it

Regulated my own emotions so everyone else felt safe

Managed conflict between family members

Put a family member's needs ahead of my own

Felt responsible for everyone else's wellbeing

My partner

Managed a child's anxiety or emotional needs

Helped a child process difficult feelings

Kept the peace to avoid conflict

Absorbed my bad mood so the kids didn't feel it

Regulated their own emotions so everyone else felt safe

Managed conflict between family members

Put a family member's needs ahead of their own

Felt responsible for everyone else's wellbeing

Managing my partner's life

I usually cook my partner's meals

I usually buy their toiletries or personal items when they run out

I remember my partner's family's birthdays or events

I organise things for my partner's side of the family

It's usually me who makes appointments for my partner

I often run errands for my partner

I usually keep track of my partner's schedule

I often remind my partner of things they needed to do

My partner

I usually cook my partner's meals

I usually buy my partner's toiletries or personal items when they run out

I remember my partner's family's birthdays or events

I organise things for my partner's side of the family

It's usually me who makes appointments for my partner

I often run errands for my partner

I usually keep track of my partner's schedule

I often remind my partner of things they needed to do

Family admin & life management

It's usually me/them who

Manages appointments and care for the family pet

Organises vehicle servicing, repairs or registration

Manages the electricity and internet service providers

Renews insurance or annual policies and services

Books tradespeople or organises maintenance when needed

Organises birthdays, celebrations or holidays

Maintains relationships with extended family

Remembers important dates and occasions

My partner

Manages appointments and care for the family pet

Organises vehicle servicing, repairs or registration

Manages the electricity and internet service providers

Renews insurance or annual policies and services

Books tradespeople or organises maintenance when needed

Organises birthdays, celebrations or holidays

Maintains relationships with extended family

Remembers important dates and occasions

The relationship

I often initiate affection or connection

I regularly facilitate time together as a couple

I give regular updates about the kids and household

I raise concerns or issues within our relationship (leave unchecked if it's not safe to do so)

My partner

I often initiate affection or connection

I regularly facilitate time together as a couple

I give regular updates about the kids and household

I raise concerns or issues within our relationship

Who gets to switch off?

Check each one that applies to you — then check the ones that apply to your partner.

I have a hobby I regularly make time for every week

Within the last 2 weekends I spent time with friends socially without the kids

I sometimes have a lie in without the kids interrupting me

In the last 2 weeks I exercised or played sport by choice

In the last 6 months I went away overnight without the kids (leave unchecked if kids are too young)

I often spend at least half a weekend day on a hobby

Over the last 2 weekends I sat down and rested for more than 30 minutes uninterrupted

I regularly make plans without checking if they work for everyone else first

I regularly leave the house spontaneously without organising childcare first

I often put my choice of TV on no matter what anyone else is doing

My partner

I have a hobby I regularly make time for every week

Within the last 2 weekends I spent time with friends socially without the kids

I sometimes have a lie in without the kids interrupting me

In the last 2 weeks I exercised or played sport by choice

In the last 6 months I went away overnight without the kids (leave unchecked if kids are too young)

I often spend at least half a weekend day on a hobby

Over the last 2 weekends I sat down and rested for more than 30 minutes uninterrupted

I regularly make plans without checking if they work for everyone else first

I regularly leave the house spontaneously without organising childcare first

I often put my choice of TV on no matter what anyone else is doing

Before and after work

A typical weekday in our house looks like:

I wake the children up

I get the children dressed and ready for the day

I make breakfast for the children

I make breakfast for my partner

I make sure the children actually eat breakfast

I make sure teeth are brushed and personal hygiene is done

I manage morning arguments, meltdowns or emotional issues

I organise daycare, school drop-off or transport arrangements

I physically take the children to school or daycare

I clean up breakfast dishes and kitchen mess before starting my workday

I put on a load of washing before leaving for work

I make the kids' lunches

I cook dinner

I serve dinner and sort the kids' plates

I clean up after dinner

I wipe down the kitchen and surfaces

I do the kids' bath or shower

I do the bedtime routine

I deal with a child who won't sleep

I wash lunchboxes and prep their bags for tomorrow

I tidy the living areas after the kids go to bed

I put on or fold an evening load of washing

I help with homework

I notice when we run low on household essentials and replace them

My partner

I wake the children up

I get the children dressed and ready for the day

I make breakfast for the children

I make breakfast for my partner

I make sure the children actually eat breakfast

I make sure teeth are brushed and personal hygiene is done

I manage morning arguments, meltdowns or emotional issues

I organise daycare, school drop-off or transport arrangements

I physically take the children to school or daycare

I clean up breakfast dishes and kitchen mess before starting my workday

I put on a load of washing before leaving for work

I make the kids' lunches

I cook dinner

I serve dinner and sort the kids' plates

I clean up after dinner

I wipe down the kitchen and surfaces

I do the kids' bath or shower

I do the bedtime routine

I deal with a child who won't sleep

I wash lunchboxes and prep bags for tomorrow

I tidy the living areas after the kids go to bed

I put on or fold an evening load of washing

I help with homework

I notice when we run low on household essentials and replace them

Keeping the household running

Over the last 2 weeks:

Tidied the house

Vacuumed and mopped

Cleaned the bathrooms

Changed the bedsheets

Tidied and decluttered shared spaces

Did the garden or outdoor maintenance

Over the past month or two:

Organised repairs or maintenance around the home

Contacted or followed up with tradespeople or service providers

Replaced broken household items

Kept important household paperwork organised

Managed internet, power, insurance or service providers

Handled admin like renewing insurance, paying school fees and household bills

My partner

I tidied the house

I vacuumed and mopped

I cleaned the bathrooms

I changed the bedsheets

I tidied and decluttered shared spaces

Did the garden or outdoor maintenance

Over the past month or two:

Organised repairs or maintenance around the home

Contacted or followed up with tradespeople or service providers

Replaced broken household items

Kept important household paperwork organised

Managed internet, power, insurance or service providers

Handled admin like renewing insurance, paying school fees and household bills

Food, shopping & preparation

I make the food plan and decide what we eat more than half the time

I cook more than 50% of the meals

It's usually me who stops at the grocery store on the way home if we need something

Over the last 2 weeks I did meal prep or batch cooking for the week ahead

I always know what food is in the fridge, freezer or pantry

It's up to me to notice when household supplies are running low

It's usually me who buys household essentials before we run out

I usually do the big grocery shop to prepare for the week ahead

My partner

I make the food plan and decide what we eat more than half the time

I cook more than 50% of the meals

It's usually me who stops at the grocery store on the way home if we need something

Over the last 2 weeks I did meal prep or batch cooking for the week ahead

I always know what food is in the fridge, freezer or pantry

It's up to me to notice when household supplies are running low

It's usually me who buys household essentials before we run out

I usually do the big grocery shop to prepare for the week ahead

The default parent

It's usually me/them who

Organises and preps the kids' uniforms and bags for the week

Takes the kids to weekend activities or sports

Organises weekend playdates

Makes decisions and organises family outings for the weekend

Manages the kids for the majority of the weekend

Books or follows up on kids' appointments (doctor, dentist, specialist)

Has to leave work or change plans when a child is sick

Keeps track of permission slips, dress-up days, teacher emails and after-school care

Manages the family medical calendar and takes kids to appointments

Arranges childcare when normal care isn't available

Signs permission slips and school paperwork

Knows what my child needs before my partner realises

Knows where everyone's belongings are

Knows what size clothes and shoes the kids wear

Knows when the kids need new clothes, shoes or school supplies

Knows who my children's friends, teachers and caregivers are

My partner

Organises and preps the kids' uniforms and bags for the week

Takes the kids to weekend activities or sports

Organises weekend playdates

Makes decisions and organises family outings for the weekend

Manages the kids for the majority of the weekend

Books or follows up on kids' appointments (doctor, dentist, specialist)

Has to leave work or change plans when a child is sick

Keeps track of permission slips, dress-up days, teacher emails and after-school care

Manages the family medical calendar and takes kids to appointments

Arranges childcare when normal care isn't available

Signs permission slips and school paperwork

Knows what the child needs before I realise

Knows where everyone's belongings are

Knows what size clothes and shoes the kids wear

Knows when the kids need new clothes, shoes or school supplies

Knows who the children's friends, teachers and caregivers are

Laundry: who are you actually washing for?

Over the last 2 weeks I:

Did my own washing

Did the kids' washing

Did my partner's washing

Folded and put my own clothes away

Folded and put the kids' clothes away

Folded and put my partner's clothes away

My partner

Did their own washing

Did the kids' washing

Did my washing

Folded and put their own clothes away

Folded and put the kids' clothes away

Folded and put my clothes away

The mental load

I remember everyone's schedule for the week

I plan ahead so no one else has to think about what needs doing

I write important dates and events on the family calendar

I think about what everyone needs tomorrow while lying in bed

I anticipate problems before they happen

I remember things so other people don't have to

I feel like the project manager of the household

If I don't remember something, it won't happen

I notice what needs doing without being told

My partner

I remember everyone's schedule for the week

I plan ahead so no one else has to think about what needs doing

I write important dates and events on the family calendar

I think about what everyone needs tomorrow while lying in bed

I anticipate problems before they happen

I remember things so other people don't have to

I feel like the project manager of the household

If I don't remember something, it won't happen

I notice what needs doing without being told

The emotional load

Over the last month:

Managed a child's anxiety or emotional needs

Helped a child process difficult feelings

Kept the peace to avoid conflict

Absorbed my partner's bad mood so the kids didn't feel it

Regulated my own emotions so everyone else felt safe

Managed conflict between family members

Put a family member's needs ahead of my own

Felt responsible for everyone else's wellbeing

My partner

Managed a child's anxiety or emotional needs

Helped a child process difficult feelings

Kept the peace to avoid conflict

Absorbed my bad mood so the kids didn't feel it

Regulated their own emotions so everyone else felt safe

Managed conflict between family members

Put a family member's needs ahead of their own

Felt responsible for everyone else's wellbeing

Managing my partner's life

I usually cook my partner's meals

I usually buy their toiletries or personal items when they run out

I remember my partner's family's birthdays or events

I organise things for my partner's side of the family

It's usually me who makes appointments for my partner

I often run errands for my partner

I usually keep track of my partner's schedule

I often remind my partner of things they needed to do

My partner

I usually cook my partner's meals

I usually buy my partner's toiletries or personal items when they run out

I remember my partner's family's birthdays or events

I organise things for my partner's side of the family

It's usually me who makes appointments for my partner

I often run errands for my partner

I usually keep track of my partner's schedule

I often remind my partner of things they needed to do

Family admin & life management

It's usually me/them who

Manages appointments and care for the family pet

Organises vehicle servicing, repairs or registration

Manages the electricity and internet service providers

Renews insurance or annual policies and services

Books tradespeople or organises maintenance when needed

Collects parcels or deliveries

Returns items or deals with returns

Buys gifts, cards or wrapping paper

Organises birthdays, celebrations or holidays

Maintains relationships with extended family

Remembers important dates and occasions

My partner

Manages appointments and care for the family pet

Organises vehicle servicing, repairs or registration

Manages the electricity and internet service providers

Renews insurance or annual policies and services

Books tradespeople or organises maintenance when needed

Collects parcels or deliveries

Returns items or deals with returns

Buys gifts, cards or wrapping paper

Organises birthdays, celebrations or holidays

Maintains relationships with extended family

Remembers important dates and occasions

The relationship

I often initiate affection or connection

I regularly facilitate time together as a couple

I give regular updates about the kids and household

I raise concerns or issues within our relationship (leave unchecked if it's not safe to do so)

My partner

I often initiate affection or connection

I regularly facilitate time together as a couple

I give regular updates about the kids and household

I raise concerns or issues within our relationship

Who gets to switch off?

Check each one that applies to you — then check the ones that apply to your partner.

I have a hobby I regularly make time for every week

Within the last 2 weekends I spent time with friends socially without the kids

I sometimes have a lie in without the kids interrupting me

In the last 2 weeks I exercised or played sport by choice

In the last 6 months I went away overnight without the kids (leave unchecked if kids are too young)

I often spend at least half a weekend day on a hobby

Over the last 2 weekends I sat down and rested for more than 30 minutes uninterrupted

I regularly make plans without checking if they work for everyone else first

I regularly leave the house spontaneously without organising childcare first

I often put my choice of TV on no matter what anyone else is doing

My partner

I have a hobby I regularly make time for every week

Within the last 2 weekends I spent time with friends socially without the kids

I sometimes have a lie in without the kids interrupting me

In the last 2 weeks I exercised or played sport by choice

In the last 6 months I went away overnight without the kids (leave unchecked if kids are too young)

I often spend at least half a weekend day on a hobby

Over the last 2 weekends I sat down and rested for more than 30 minutes uninterrupted

I regularly make plans without checking if they work for everyone else first

I regularly leave the house spontaneously without organising childcare first

I often put my choice of TV on no matter what anyone else is doing

Your audit results

Family load — me — of the total family load

Family load — my partner — of the total family load

Who gets to switch off

— Me

— My partner

The Married Single Mother Audit

Your audit results

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